One of my jurors passed away last weekend in a marathon run. I planned on signing up last minute the week before that event but my heart told me not to push through. It was supposed to be a birthday treat for myself. Also, I was hoping if I could bump into Sir Torres one day in a run. 

I then woke up hearing the news that he was gone. I did not want to believe it so I slept it off again. Woke up. He was still gone. I am supposed to be happy whenever these kinds of events happened because these people can start anew somewhere. Begin a new life out there. Nothing bad was left behind and he died of what he loved doing. 

However I could not stop being sad. I did not even know why I am deeply affected. My block mates who were not under him ,like me, were doing better than me. I could not explain to them why I feel sad. 

He died on the week of my birthday so the whole stretch felt off. I did not feel worthy to celebrate my birthday. 

On my birthday, I continued to push through having dinner with my parents. I quietly ate my food. Silence fell on the table. Rather than a day "about me", I spoke more about sir Torres to my parents. It was as if he had been my prof before. But he was never my prof. My parents nodded in return whenever I told them the wonderful things that he did.

Today, I found out that he kept a blog. And he used to update it religiously. I suddenly got sad. It's been a long time since I've found someone who blogs online. I started reading his previous posts way back in 2012. The more I read, the more I felt that somehow he was talking to me. He has great stories even though most of his posts are all about running. 

Oh how I wish I had the guts to talk to him. Ever since after the defense, i had been dying to talk to him about my photos and tips for running but I have never told anyone about it or had the guts to walk up to him. I am such a coward. Sometimes whenever I bring my room mate to her consultation, I would always stand by for awhile and see him advising my block mates before I leave. Ah, he is such a good man. He has such a good heart. I honor him for that. 

Sir, you may not know me but I pray that you may live a better life today. May God grant you eternal rest because He knows you have faced many battles in life and still managed to get them through. I salute you sir. Take photos up there and don't forget to send them down here. Show it to your family. Run in paradise now. Amen. 

May his family, friends, colleagues, etc don't be sad anymore. Let us rejoice for he did is the thing he loved the most. That is a beautiful ending. May their hearts not weep anymore. May it grow and heal for it is over now. No need to cry. We still life ahead of us. 

There were moments where I don't think about it and even feel that he is still here.