Last monday, Kara came over to my dorm to borrow my shin guards and long football socks for her futsal game. It has been 2 years since I last saw her and seeing her felt like as if we never drifted away. She came in and ranted a bit about her sister. It was only supposed to be a quick errand but she decided to have lunch with me. We shared over a small chair as a table to eat.  

While eating, Kara kept on saying jokingly that she might get chicken pox. Laughed with her when she found out why I did not want to eat her food. Upon finishing her food, she looked at the tidbits of my thesis lying on my messed up bed. 

"Oh no," I told myself at the back of my head. I never wanted anyone to talk about my thesis. Of course she asked how my thesis went. I answered awkwardly almost as if it was not my thesis. She asked me if she could look at the smaller versions of my shots that were hiding at the side of my bed. And I instantly handed it to her, afraid she might judge it. 

Confused, she tried to unfold the papers that were bind together. She asked me to explain it. I quivered  a bit, remembering the last time I tried explaining my photo journey to my thesis adviser it was a disaster.  A few "uhm"s spouted from my mouth nervous not knowing if it would even make sense with the words I was using at that time. As she was looking at the pictures and reading the drafts, I knew she was listening deeply. 

I felt like a total good-for-nothing person. She finished staring at the photos and tried to put back the folded paper where it was found. 

"I wish this was a real exhibit," she said. "Thanks," I replied in my mind. She started asking about my brothers then my parents until she asked about my family. The way she answered as if she knew what it was like. It felt uncomfortable sharing something personal to someone whom you just saw after a really long time. But it was ok. She started sharing about her family too. She was brave to admit what her mother was going through. For her, it was ok too. 

She saw my illustrated paintings stuck on the wall. Amazed, she asked me again why I didn't talk about these so much. I told her I wasn't confident. "You could do so much more," she replied. I knew deep down she believed in my capabilities. I guess I was not too sure of myself. 

I hated myself for letting others having to point out that reminder. She took a picture of the wall and went back to sit. She ended up not attending her futsal training on that day and decided to talk. She also needed to charger her phone, hahaha. How millennial is that. Maybe not so millennial. As soon as her phone was charged, she packed her things and left. Before that, she was able to caught up with my room mate who came in that time. Accompanied Kara outside where she parked her car and waved her good bye.

As I pondered on that day, I had a feeling that everything was coming to an end slowly. It was the same question that was asked before and now asked again. I guess I am at that point where I have to tell my story and why I started it. But I'm not ready. I don't know. Not sure, I guess. 

It was such a good day for me, that day. Spending time with her took half of the day but I did not care. I just needed to see people. My friends, I mean.