i dont have a clue why even though i feel like i am going to give up, i still talk to God. ugh it irks me how i still talk to God about you, you, you and you and to all the people even though it slowly gets repetitive. 

but alas here's an open prayer:

dear God, 

I know that i am not perfect and i give up on these special tasks easily but u've always reminded me how much i need you. u teach me how to be selfless even though in the end i suffer but in one of the many experiences u've shown me it is worth it, the suffering part i mean. u knew when i become impatient that's when you give "it" away. it often feels undeserving, really but thank you because you love me deeply. i pray for my friends especially the ones who are in my mind right now. continue to give them guidance because i cannot do it and that i am incapable of doing such. and because of my limitations i do not understand what you are doing right now or what you are preparing me for. i need you God. i feel like i am falling apart or im in a daze or just feeling fuzzy. i miss my friends and i do not know if they feel the same way for me but it is ok. i am praying for them that they are okay and that they are doing fine. rescue me i pray. 

amen