Got excused for class today because of a leadership seminar. I wanted to attend because I wanted to try it out. For the sake of experience. I'm going to say whatever struck me because it is still fresh in my head and up to now, it still bleeds.

I never expected that I would listen to the first speaker because hello, it was early in the morning though it started late. Anyway, the speaker talked about how excellence was a habit. It can be learned. And at the same time how excellence is a road full of disappointments. Tsk tsk tsk, sigh sigh sigh. However there were specific things that struck me. One was when he mentioned the keywords, "life crisis", "don't pressure yourself" and "don't please other people". It was too strong for a coincidence. I broke a little on the inside because it hit me. The message was arranged in such a way that it was fit perfectly for me. They were the exact words that my friend told me the other day. 

I had been having troubles lately understanding myself. I have been pushing myself to make others be contented with my work. It has been an unconscious thought. I thought just by making others feel great about my work, it makes me feel great too. I never knew that when I began to follow such personal belief, I began to lose sight of who I'm actually really am. I began losing my identity as an individual. It was an isolation. A personal torture. I am pleasing too much, to the point will it even matter to them because really...

...was this helping me grow as a better person ? Am I improving ? 

Second, when I asked him on an open forum on how one does accept him or herself despite the pressure he or she puts in and if you unconsciously please other people, "It is fine to please the right people", the speaker said. But don't ruin yourself he added on. We all have memories and memories don't change. Don't let them bring you down. We are a working progress. As artists we have to make it colorful because we are the last plate we will ever finish.

We are so young yet we are losing it too quickly. Accept yourself. Learn something everyday. If you don't know where to go, keep on going. Don't get stuck.

So please do not overthink and pressure yourself. This too shall pass. As soon as he closed it, he made eye contact on me. "You are doing fine." Is such a rejuvenating thing to actual hear. 

I was personally moved because I felt God had planned this for me to remind me, to put practice to it and to share it to others. 

Don't worry, I am trying to accept myself too. It is difficult. This is just only the beginning. I want to enjoy life too.